yutzen

(Another from the archives, back to two of the earliest members, having a quiet moment adrift. Prompt by Impressions of Detail back on Cohost)

Candles in paper boats, set adrift on the blackness of an undergroud sea.

"Come right onboard, Ziv. More than big enough for the both of us. Yes, right over there, to keep it balanced- no, right over there, you're not that heavy and you know it. Don't start. Mind the candles, the idea's to light them deeper in."

"Surprised? ...Yes, I've never been much of a traditionalist, haven't I? There's reasons for that. But this... this I can respect. Long story."

"...you sure about that, then? You're asking for the full story, you get the full story, you know I got Vel beat at rambling with the right topic."

"Lending an ear like yours, you sure spoil me, Ziv. Alright, where do I start... One thing about history, usually when you look into how a thing got started, how a given custom or group was founded... it hacks at the mystique of it. You get these beginnings that are stupidly mundane at best. And at worst? You find origins you should be ashamed of. Feats of heroism that inspired entire holidays, you look into it and you find exaggeration and fabrication. Entire people invented from whole cloth, and those who did exist were barely worth noting, if not outright cowards, or even thugs with cleansed names. You look at families that brag of their lineage, and you ever so rarely find anyone close to decent, with the biggest braggarts having their ancestors slathered in lies. And that is disheartening enough, mm?"

"Less than the Western kingdoms, but it still happens, yes. I get the feeling they're trying to make up for how little they have to brag about in themselves when they do that. Now, me, I don't have that problem... don't look at me like that, the Consortium isn't a kingdom and I barely even know who your mom is, let alone any of your ancestors. Do Vezarym just not look back...?"

"Anyhow, back on track. Lineages, events, holidays, and all the fabrication to go with them, that's problem enough. But those are just pieces of the whole matter. After that, you look at the whole. You look at your own country, the nation you're told you should be proud of... and you find that it began with a cataclysmic fuckup that all present should've seen coming. You find ancestors that were either so idiotic, or so awful, that they invited a horror to ruin everything they had. You find their mistake is haunting you and everyone you know to this day. You look over the horizon - that exact horizon right over there in fact - and see the consequences, looming right over you and everyone you know. And you think... did they even deserve to make it this far? To found a nation all around fleeing their own self-inflicted ruin? And asking that when you're nominally a part of said nation, and definitely one of their people... it takes the wind out of your sails, you know?"

"You don't need to- ...alright, fine, come here. Only because no one's seen us here. Just mind the balance. I'm fine, I've made my peace with it so far. It's why I'm doing what I'm doing... is this just an excuse to squish me? Don't-"

"Okay, good. I was getting to that, in fact. This encroaching, toxic darkness the East is infamous for, you know that one, yes? It's right over there... And, in fact, we could row to it right now if we wanted to. No, we do not want to, because we have better things to be doing than smashing every source of light we see, don't we? The thing is, said darkness wasn't always here in these caverns. It followed us here, after my ancestors tried to run from it. After calling it to begin with, mind you... And that last part is important, because it meant they also knew what they were dealing with."

"Mm~. It has everything to do with it, Ziv. You all keep forgetting that regular old darkness is just a lack of light, while whatever is spilling out the Exit to our old lands is something beyond that. Something that actively fights the light, even as it's fended off. Get deep enough and you can see it smother it out like someone pinching a candle's wick... which is a really appropriate metaphor now that I said it. Except that this darkness can't chose not to try and put the light out, because it's a force in itself, and like just about every tutor in Ishiss will tell you, forces will always mindlessly do what they do... that sounds better in my language, by the way."

"Good, you're catching on. The thing is, it's not steady: sometimes it pushes forwards, and it's good to be forewarned when that happens. So this all started, long ago, with some sentries that wanted to see it coming and have time to retreat and sound the alarm. So all around the edges of our territory, the border sentries would space out slow-burn torches, one after the other, and see when they flickered and died to know when it was time to raise the alarm. Hence the saying, Ushir-Ruq, "flame in the dark", when you've got something that's meant to fall first and act only as a warning..."

"...you've heard that one before?"

"Ziv, you have a talent in adding people to my shitlist, you know that?"

"Let's just leave the thoughts about toasting to me, mm? And leave them for later, I meant this as a wind-down. So, where was I... flames in the dark, right. So, the thing with Ishiss, it's got water borders too, and this particular lake is enormous. And the sentries couldn't just plop a torch in the middle of the lake for obvious reasons, and so, they instead resorted to setting candles afloat. Back then they were propped with cheap, light fungiwood, because they didn't need that many, just a few that'd stay put in this place..."

"Yes, the paper came later, right with those that weren't sentries themselves, it was cheaper for them after all. Some of the fishers and moss-farmers that lived by the lake saw these displays, these lights in the water, and for one reason or another started to add their own. Maybe they wanted their own warnings... or maybe they thought it was a pretty sight, watching these flickers of flame drifting in the still waters. Can't blame them if that's what did it... but soon enough, everyone who set out into the waters pitched in their own little paper boat with a candle of its own. And since we're Ifchi after all, everyone sets out into the water at some point or another, and so found these lights, and added their own..."

"It's a big lake, but I guess it did get crowded around the shore, because the border guard put some limits on it all, from what I could track - they got lifted ages ago, but still, it stuck. One candle per name, it was... and since this was paper, they kept track by simply writing said names on the boats. And then those that still wanted to keep the dark at bay or just look at a horizon full of candles, they started laying some for those that weren't there. Maybe it was an excuse at first, "you can't prove they didn't come and laid theirs down" while turning around and telling their pals, "all those lights are mine". But maybe it did start out laying a candle for someone who couldn't take to the water that day, and someone had the idea of laying one out for an old friend that couldn't take to the water, because they were too far away... for one reason or another. Maybe they aren't Ifchi, maybe they've moved to the other end of these caverns... or maybe they passed on to whatever comes next, if anything. Whatever the reason, you lit a candle in their name, and set it to sail in the dark. Because you hadn't forgotten them. Because you knew they'd be there with you if they could."

"Hand me a few, we're right in the spot for it. They're prettier up close, mm?"

"I don't go into Ishiss a lot anymore, you know exactly why. But the lake's big enough to get lost in, and what attention is just another boat gonna draw? Another one adding to the layer of lights that keeps the dark at bay, or at least under watch? No, it's peaceful here. No one's ever given me trouble out here, boat or not. It's... quiet, here. I've spent hours just looking at the ceiling, watching the quartz crawlers passing by, shining down on me... And honestly, adding a candle of my own, it's something. A little help to everyone down here, and a spit in the face of this darkness that tries to threaten us. Someone's gotta tell it to go fuck itself. And one for everyone else, mm? It's... well, more insults in the face of this stygian nightmare, sure, but it's... nice, to set out a pretty reminder. A light for memories' sake. A little acknowledgement for those that aren't here..."

"'Usherrimi Neshi Anei Var'... And that's mine. Yes, that's the whole thing, before you ask, you know how we are, but I feel if there's any place to use the whole name it's here... Now, I've been adding one for you for a few years already, care to do the honors this ti- GHOUF"

"TOO TIGHT-"

"Gah! Lords below where the fuck did you get a grip like that!?"

"Right, right. Look, I just... knew it's something you'd want to do if you weren't running all over the underground all the time, mm? It's the least I could do, like a bare minimum. It was about time you joined in on it, don't you think? Plus, I was never sure if Ziv-Ziri was the whole thing or not. And besides... I know you have a far more names to set afloat than I ever would. "

"Yes, that is in fact why I brought this many. I wasn't sure, so I overdid it just in case. Set as many as you can think of, it'll answer a few questions of mine. Here, a pencil... And a light~"

"You know me, Ziv, I wasn't about to not show off. And besides, looking into the water like this, with my gills like their own candles while the lake's still as a mirror like this... it's a treat of its own, mm? Still, take as long as you need, I can do this for hours if I want to..."

"...don't think I've ever told you this but I really like your handwriting. That might've been another reason, looking back."